Rainbow Baby

The expression "Rainbow Baby" refers to a baby born (who lives) after (a) child/ren dies/die. I've seen it used a lot on various support sites by loss moms but personally, I've never liked the term and I never use it in reference to either of my living children.

About a year-year and half after Hannah, Ryan and Abby were born, I was reading through my local, small town newspaper when an obit caught my eye. It was for a baby who died shortly after her birth. Although I don't know the Mom, I went to school with the Dad for years. I was deeply saddened for this family and for the pain I knew they now feel.

A year ago, I saw in the birth announcements of the very same paper that this couple had gone on to have another child-another girl. I was very happy for them because I know that having a another child doesn't replace the baby who died, but it can soften the pain significantly.

Today, I read in the paper that their baby girl died on June 20 of a rare form of pediatric brain cancer. She was one year old. There was a big article and it ended with "Olivia Rose is predeceased by her sister, Elizabeth Hope..." I feel sick with sadness for this family. Babies aren't supposed to die and certainly this isn't supposed to happen to a "Rainbow Baby". But it does.

Perhaps that's why I dislike the expression...

Bubble Magic

There is a true comraderie between my brother, my sister and me that comes from having shared the expereinces of growing up together.

After Joey was born, I knew we would try again, partly for ourselves, but also because I wanted him to expereince a sibling relationship. I wanted him to have a brother or sister to grow up with, to talk to and to grow into adulthood with.

Of course, when Laura was born, Joey was just two years old, so I didn't expect this bond to be forged right away. In the first few days of her being home, he did express interest by asking "What's the baby doing?" but as the days moved to weeks, his interest waned and the sentiment became more like 'What's the baby still doing here?" After a few more months, she became an avenue for him to exersize his newfound independence and bossiness: "the baby can't play with this toy, it's mine" or "She's too little for this toy so I'm going to take it".

But last night, I caught a glimpse of the friendship that I hope will come. Laura was in her jumper-roo and Joey was blowing bubbles. Not so much out of friendliness, but more out of curiosity to see what would happen, Joey got into her face and started blowing bubbles at her. My first instinct was to tell him to back away a little so he wouldn't blow bubble stuff all over her, but I held my tongue.

Suddenly, Laura started cracking up, which led Joey into a frenzy--jumping up and down and yelling, "She likes it! She likes it and she thinks I'm funny. I'm making her laugh!

And for me, all I could do was smile as I realized this was the first positive back and forth exchange between my children. Between siblings.