Mounting the Balence Beam...

I am extremely social so when Joey was a baby, we started going to a playgroup with moms who have children his age. I loved it because my son was exposed to other kids and I had the chance to spend time with the women. As the kids got older, it became obvious that this situation made Joey uncomfortable. The other kids would run around and play with toys, but Joey would cling to me and rarely leave my side. I heard all sorts of advice about what to do: Expose him to more kids more often, leave him to fend for himself, put him in preschool, don't coddle him, if he wants you, walk out of the room, drop out of the group. None of these felt right to me.

I decided that we would keep going but that I would "help" Joey feel more comfortable. My friends would be gabbing away while I sat on the floor, playing with the kids as Joey warmed up. There were days when I didn't have any "grown up time" but Joey would eventually move away from my side and play. It was slow progress, but it was progress.

We still meet weekly and it still takes Joey longer than most to warm up. He's never directly "in the mix" but he's much more comfortable leaving me and playing on his own and recently, he's started interacting more with the other kids.

When I looked at preschools, I looked for one that had smaller classrooms and a higher teacher-student ratio. I found one that I liked and when he walked right into the classroom and started playing, I knew this was a good fit for him. Unfortunately, the kids in the 3 year old program need to be potty trained and Joey is not, so he didn't start school this Fall.

Instead, I enrolled him in a Pee-Wee soccer. I struggled with this decision because I just wasn't sure he would like it. In the end, I figured we'd try it and if it's a disaster, we'll stop. It's a 9 week program for 3-6 year olds and unfortunately, Joey is the youngest in the group. The only way he will even consider playing is if I'm running up and down the field with him. He never strays too far from me and often, he retreats back to holding my hand and "resting" on the sidelines. I have to coax him onto the field and there are times when he fights me hard. Most of the time, he cries and whines and then just when I think we should call it quits, he'll run down the field kicking the ball and a huge smile will creep across his face. Or he'll laugh as Coach John or Coach Paul chases him to the goal. Recently, I noticed he'll occasionally start talking to the kid next to him. When thess things happen, he looks like he's having a really good time.

Sometimes when I watch the other kids gleefully racing off, barely casting a second glance at their moms, I feel frustrated because Joey is clutching my leg or begging to be "up" (held). I would much rather be sitting on the sidelines drinking coffee with the other moms, not running up and down the field with him. And, when I'm honest with myself, I know I wish sometimes that Joey was less clingly and more sociable and that makes me feel guilty. I recognize the last thing he needs to feel is that I'm dissapointed in him, so I try not to show my frustration, but I'm sure there are times that he can sense it.

I know he's out of his comfort zone in soccer. That's not the question I ask myself. What I think about is if he's too far out of his comfort zone so that it's counter productive and hurting his social confidence. Am I pushing him too hard? Should we hang up the towel and call it quits? There are 2 more sessions of soccer left. He participates, laughs and smiles more than he did when we started, but he still doesn't love it. I'll be happy when it's over. I think he will be, too.

Parenting is so hard sometimes.There is such a fine line...