Redshirting: a term used to describe kids that are held back a year from school so that the child has an edge in sports.
"Redshirting" was once used to describe college athletes who are kept from play for a year, so that they can still put in 4 years, but at an older, more refined and developed age. Now the term is often being used to describe kids who enter kindergarten a year late with the hopes that being the oldest will give them the academic and athletic advantage.
It's a hot topic.
And it's one I'm interested in because Joey is a May baby. Our kindergarten cut-off date is October first. He would probably be one of, if not the oldest, child in his class growing up. The thought of that scares me and yet I am still thinking of "redshirting" him.
But it's not to give him an academic or athletic advantage as he grows. See, for me, I am 100% sure that holding my son now is the right thing to do for him, now. The T-K program we are looking at will have between 10 and 12 children, all who will be 5 years old when they start and 6 years old when they finish. The program focuses on many of the skills that he would be learning in Kindergarten, but extra emphasis is given to social and emotional confidence and growth. Academically, atheletically (if there is such a thing for a 4 1/2 year old) and (for the most part)emotionally, he's ready. Socially, he struggles with confidence. This T-K program is the perfect stepping stone for my son and I know it would do wonders for him.
But it's the "later" that I worry about. What happens when he is turning 8 in first grade, 12 in 5th grade? 17 (the age in which NJ children are eligible to test for their driver's license) at the end of his sophmore year? Will he feel differently because he is older? Will he feel like an outcast? Will he be bored academically?
His pediatrician believes that he's a child that could go either way. His exact words were, "Knowing Joey as I do, if he were born in July, I would tell you to hold him. But May is pretty old" But that only makes me wonder more if T-K is the place for him. His preschool teachers have said, "He would benefit from an extra year but he would probably be okay if you sent him" Do I want to gamble with "probably" when I know he would benefit from one more year?
So, do I follow my instinct and hold him because I believe it's best for my son "now" but then worry about the "later" long term consequences? Or do I follow the status quo and send him now so he's not the oldest child in the class and worry about the consequences of this decision on his current social confidence?
In life, there is no crystal ball. And so, I'll continue to weigh the pros and cons of both options, then make my decision. Hopefully, in 20 years from now, I will look back on this angst with a smile, knowing I made the right decision.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Hot Chocolate and Some Love
This past weekend, I was part of a wonderful thing-something that made me cry and made me proud to live in my community. Recently, a friend's son was diagnosed with Stage IV Neuroblastoma (see post "I just don't understand"). Our community has rallied to support this family in ways that are simply amazing~meals are scheduled for the next few months, carpooling for the other kids has been coordinated, notes and cards of encouragement and support are dropped off daily and many events are being planned in an effort to raise money to help with medical costs associated with his care and treatment.
The first fundraising event, "HOT CHOCOLATE FOR CHARLIE" occurred this past Saturday. It was an outdoor fundraiser where people could come, have coffee and hot chocolate, socialize and enjoy the crisp winter day. We had a clown there who made balloon figures for kids and a brownie troop sold brown ribbons with a purple heart to raise money. We sold homemade goodies that included cookies, cupcakes and rice krispie treats. People milled around and socialized while kids ran around playing.
"Team Charlie" hoped for a good turnout but nobody expected what we got: hundreds of families coming out, many who don't know the family but want to support them. At the end of the day, we had leftover goodies that were pack up to be sent to CHOP (The Childrens Hospital of PA) for kids who are staying there. The Brownie Troupe counted their money and handed over $500.00, just from selling their pins. The unofficial accountants for the "Team Charlie" bake sale took the cash raised over to the bank and tallied it up. It's amazing what a simple idea, a little hard work and a lot of love can accomplish. HOT CHOCOLATE FOR CHARLIE, a small community fundraiser, earned over $5,000.00 to help this family. It was inspiring.
The first fundraising event, "HOT CHOCOLATE FOR CHARLIE" occurred this past Saturday. It was an outdoor fundraiser where people could come, have coffee and hot chocolate, socialize and enjoy the crisp winter day. We had a clown there who made balloon figures for kids and a brownie troop sold brown ribbons with a purple heart to raise money. We sold homemade goodies that included cookies, cupcakes and rice krispie treats. People milled around and socialized while kids ran around playing.
"Team Charlie" hoped for a good turnout but nobody expected what we got: hundreds of families coming out, many who don't know the family but want to support them. At the end of the day, we had leftover goodies that were pack up to be sent to CHOP (The Childrens Hospital of PA) for kids who are staying there. The Brownie Troupe counted their money and handed over $500.00, just from selling their pins. The unofficial accountants for the "Team Charlie" bake sale took the cash raised over to the bank and tallied it up. It's amazing what a simple idea, a little hard work and a lot of love can accomplish. HOT CHOCOLATE FOR CHARLIE, a small community fundraiser, earned over $5,000.00 to help this family. It was inspiring.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Lumps
About 3 1/2 weeks ago, during a self breast exam, I felt some things that just weren't right.I made an appointment with my GYN and today she confirmed that they are indeed, lumps. Monday I'm going for a diagnostic mammogram.
I know there are a million things that this could be (or not be). I'm not in panic mode about what it may (or may not) be, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. I am.
Please send some good vibes my way. Thanks.
==
UPDATE: And after a very stressful mammogram and ultrasound, I do not have cancer. I also don't have time to write everything I want to write about this experience but I did want to update. My heart goes out to any man or woman who experiences this but received a cancer diagnosis. Wishing you all peace.
I know there are a million things that this could be (or not be). I'm not in panic mode about what it may (or may not) be, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. I am.
Please send some good vibes my way. Thanks.
==
UPDATE: And after a very stressful mammogram and ultrasound, I do not have cancer. I also don't have time to write everything I want to write about this experience but I did want to update. My heart goes out to any man or woman who experiences this but received a cancer diagnosis. Wishing you all peace.
Monday, January 4, 2010
I Just Don't Understand...
Less than 3 weeks ago, I went Cross-Country Skiing with a friend. We spent a lot of time talking about her son, Charlie, who has been having some strange health problems. Charlie is her "baby" and turned 3 on December 26. But instead of celebrating his birthday that day, he was admitted to Childrens Hospital Of PA (CHOP) and his parents were given his diagnosis: Cancer. Neuroblastoma. Stage 4.
When I think about Charlie and his prognosis, I feel physically ill. And I want to wrap my arms around both of them and hug them and make them feel safe and make all the cancer go away. I hope with all my heart that Charlie beats the odds and his treatments cure him. Statistically, due to his age and the status of his cancer, the odds are against him. However, there are kids who make up the small statistic of those who survive and remain cancer free. There's no reason why Charlie can't be one of those kids. But my mind can't help but going to that dark place some times.
A long time ago, I gave up my belief in an all powerful all mighty God who controls all of the awful things that happen in this world. But I haven't given up on the Almighty God and the power of prayer for strength. For anyone who reads this, I ask you to keep Charlie and his Mom, Julie, in your prayers. Ask that Charlie has the physical stamina to thrive through the harsh treatments he'll undergo, and ask that Julie will continue to have the unbelievable strength that she has as she watches her son struggle with this awful disease while at the same time, finding the balance between caring for Charlie and caring for her 2 girls at home.
When I think about Charlie and his prognosis, I feel physically ill. And I want to wrap my arms around both of them and hug them and make them feel safe and make all the cancer go away. I hope with all my heart that Charlie beats the odds and his treatments cure him. Statistically, due to his age and the status of his cancer, the odds are against him. However, there are kids who make up the small statistic of those who survive and remain cancer free. There's no reason why Charlie can't be one of those kids. But my mind can't help but going to that dark place some times.
A long time ago, I gave up my belief in an all powerful all mighty God who controls all of the awful things that happen in this world. But I haven't given up on the Almighty God and the power of prayer for strength. For anyone who reads this, I ask you to keep Charlie and his Mom, Julie, in your prayers. Ask that Charlie has the physical stamina to thrive through the harsh treatments he'll undergo, and ask that Julie will continue to have the unbelievable strength that she has as she watches her son struggle with this awful disease while at the same time, finding the balance between caring for Charlie and caring for her 2 girls at home.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Untitled
Today, I got blindsided by grief and sadness. I can't really say why. Nothing extraordinary happened. I didn't hear any good or bad news regarding pregnancies or babies. Joey and Laura are doing well and life is, generally, really good.
Except that for whatever reason, my heart aches tonight and I am sad. Tears flooded my eyes as I realized that this heavy feeling is from missing Hannah, Ryan and Abby and what could have been...
I am not a person who can close her eyes and imagine life with three 6 year old triplets running around. I don't know if I can't do it because I won't do it or if I won't do it because I can't do it, but either way, I don't imagine life with Hannah, Ryan and Abby. What I do wonder is who they would have been and what they would look like.
If I could take a short journey back in time, there is no doubt that I would travel back to the week they were born. It would be unbelievably painful to relive that week, but I can no longer remember what it felt like to hold them. Right now, I long to hold them, smell them and feel that overwhelming sense of love that comes right after your child is placed in your arms. And even though it would be unbelievably painful to relive that week, it would be worth the pain to remember.
Hannah, Ryan and Abby~I love you and I miss you so very much.
Except that for whatever reason, my heart aches tonight and I am sad. Tears flooded my eyes as I realized that this heavy feeling is from missing Hannah, Ryan and Abby and what could have been...
I am not a person who can close her eyes and imagine life with three 6 year old triplets running around. I don't know if I can't do it because I won't do it or if I won't do it because I can't do it, but either way, I don't imagine life with Hannah, Ryan and Abby. What I do wonder is who they would have been and what they would look like.
If I could take a short journey back in time, there is no doubt that I would travel back to the week they were born. It would be unbelievably painful to relive that week, but I can no longer remember what it felt like to hold them. Right now, I long to hold them, smell them and feel that overwhelming sense of love that comes right after your child is placed in your arms. And even though it would be unbelievably painful to relive that week, it would be worth the pain to remember.
Hannah, Ryan and Abby~I love you and I miss you so very much.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
TC
Tonight, for some strange reason, I sat at my computer and googled, "The Triplet Connection" and when it loaded, I learned that I'm still signed in as a member.
I didn't really do anything on the site. I entered the general forum and browsed some topic titles but didn't open any of them. Then I went to the bereaved parents section and did the same thing. And then I logged out. I spent about 2 minutes there, at the most.
I'm not negating that I gave birth to triplets whom I continue to love and cherish, but I'm certainly not part of the moms of multiples community and I found that I wasn't really interested in reading any of the posts. There was a time, while I was pregnant and even after Hannah, Ryan and Abby were born, when I spent a lot of time pouring over posts, first feeling very connected to the world of multiples, then desperately trying to hold on to my right to belong in that world. I spent a lot of time working through this with my grief shrink and she helped me realize how toxic the site had become for me. I knew I needed to stop going there, but it took a long time before I was able to do so.
I'm not sure why I went there tonight or what I hoped it would accomplish. Now I'm not sure why I'm even writing about it because honestly, what I felt during that 2 minutes was completely indifferent and detached.
Even now, thinking about it, it seems very bizarre.
I didn't really do anything on the site. I entered the general forum and browsed some topic titles but didn't open any of them. Then I went to the bereaved parents section and did the same thing. And then I logged out. I spent about 2 minutes there, at the most.
I'm not negating that I gave birth to triplets whom I continue to love and cherish, but I'm certainly not part of the moms of multiples community and I found that I wasn't really interested in reading any of the posts. There was a time, while I was pregnant and even after Hannah, Ryan and Abby were born, when I spent a lot of time pouring over posts, first feeling very connected to the world of multiples, then desperately trying to hold on to my right to belong in that world. I spent a lot of time working through this with my grief shrink and she helped me realize how toxic the site had become for me. I knew I needed to stop going there, but it took a long time before I was able to do so.
I'm not sure why I went there tonight or what I hoped it would accomplish. Now I'm not sure why I'm even writing about it because honestly, what I felt during that 2 minutes was completely indifferent and detached.
Even now, thinking about it, it seems very bizarre.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
10/29/09 The Present
This morning, I woke up and knew my week was over. I didn't jump out of bed with pure joy and energy, but that's because I never do that. However, I did feel different. The best way I can explain it is that even though I was up late watching baseball, I awoke today feeling less tired than I have the past few days.
Although I did have my moments, all in all, it was probably my easiest anniversary week so far. It was the first year that I didn't go through their memory boxes, look at their pictures and spend private time with each of them. During the day, I didn't have the time. I could have done it at night, after the kids were in bed but for whatever reasons, I didn't. And I'm okay with that.
Yesterday was Abby's birthday. I didn't sit and write anything in her memory because, again, I didn't have time. Although a larger than normal part of my heart was with my eternal babies this week, my focus was on my children who are here with me. I know Hannah, Ryan and Abby understand that they are quietly with me always, even when Joey and Laura are loudly demanding my attention.
Yes, this year was easier, by far. Perhaps in a few weeks or months I will want to sit and spend some time going through their tangible things and maybe then I will really cry, but right now, I'm warm inside knowing that they are with me, always and that my life is full. I am living in the present and it's a good place to be.
Although I did have my moments, all in all, it was probably my easiest anniversary week so far. It was the first year that I didn't go through their memory boxes, look at their pictures and spend private time with each of them. During the day, I didn't have the time. I could have done it at night, after the kids were in bed but for whatever reasons, I didn't. And I'm okay with that.
Yesterday was Abby's birthday. I didn't sit and write anything in her memory because, again, I didn't have time. Although a larger than normal part of my heart was with my eternal babies this week, my focus was on my children who are here with me. I know Hannah, Ryan and Abby understand that they are quietly with me always, even when Joey and Laura are loudly demanding my attention.
Yes, this year was easier, by far. Perhaps in a few weeks or months I will want to sit and spend some time going through their tangible things and maybe then I will really cry, but right now, I'm warm inside knowing that they are with me, always and that my life is full. I am living in the present and it's a good place to be.
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