My sister is in the middle of a very long, drawn out and nasty divorce from a man who is controlling and verbally abusive. I admire her for making the very difficult decision to leave him and since she filed (over 2 years ago) I've watched her transform from an empty shell of a woman under his control into the confident, fun loving and happy person that I know is my sister.
Am has 4 children-girl, boy, girl, boy. My oldest niece is 13 years old and on top of the normal angst that comes from the early teen years, she is angry with her parents and she is confused about where to put her trust. My sister has tried to talk to her about puberty, sex, drugs, alcohol and smoking, but hasn't felt like she's made any progress so asked me if I would give it a shot...
Um. Yeah. Sure. Okay. Me? Really?
So, this past week, Chloe and I went for a walk. Big Breath. Another Big Breath. And before I knew it, I was into my first ever "parent-child" heavy duty conversation. I wanted to see if I could gauge how much my niece actually knows about the topic of sex, so I asked her questions, which she answered much more candidly than I expected. We talked about menstruation, shaving, pregnancy and sex. We talked about respecting your own body and about what to do if someone does something, anything, that makes you feel uncomfortable. We talked about appropriate and inappropriate behavior and we talked about dating.
She asked questions, I gave answers. I asked questions, she gave answers. It was an actual conversation. A back and forth exchange. I ended it by telling her the reason I wanted to talk to her was because I know she is struggling with her relationship with her folks and might not feel comfortable talking to them right now. I told her I love her and I know this is a difficult time in her life. I want her to know that she can come talk to me if she has questions, concerns, things she doesn't understand or know how to deal with. When the conversation was over, she hugged me and said "Thank you, Aunt April"
And then it was over. She bounced away as if we had just been talking about something as mundane as the weather. I strolled back into the house thinking about our talk and wondering how much of it she will mull over, later. Overall, I think it was a good experience for both of us and I'm glad I was able to talk to her. However, I am thankful that I have many years before I need to face this discussion with my own children. When that time comes, maybe, just maybe, my niece will be old enough to do it for me...(just kidding~kind of).
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You are a wonderful aunt and she is one lucky niece.
Every girl (and boy) needs an adult to help them navigate those murky teenage waters and sometimes it just isn't going to be their parent (though I certainly hope it will be for my children). We are starting to have these kinds of BIG discussions with Big J and it isn't easy. I think that girls are a little more inclined to open up than boys, and he is already my child who most likes to bury his emotions. It's tricky but we aren't willing to just throw in the towel and hope he makes it to adulthood reasonably unscathed.
I really admire you for stepping up to this challenge in such a beautiful, honest way. She will probably never forget that conversation.
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