longing...

Babies. I love them. My own baby is really a toddler now and soon she'll leave that and become a little girl. Although she is still a baby, she is no longer a infant-baby.

Our lives are no longer run by nap schedules or thrown of kilter by our own sleep deprivation. We are doing things now: Rod and I have date nights, I have spent time with girlfriends of my own and as a family, we're able to go places and, well, do things. This summer has just started and already it's been so much fun for us. I'm happy with my stage in life. I truly am.

However, whenever I hear of another friend who is pregnant again, I feel a longing-a pull-for another baby of my own. I know that when my sister in law has her #3 (he is due at the end of August) I will hold him in my arms and the love will be only slightly stronger than the longing. Yet, I know I will never have another baby-it's too difficult for us on so many levels and even if I really, really wanted to go through it all again, I know that R is done. His heart isn't in it anymore and he's ready to live life. When we are trying or I am pregnant, we don't live life, we survive it. We did that for too long and neither of us want to go back to that stress again.

And I'm okay with it. I really am.
Except sometimes...