The High Road

Being one of three children myself, I had always thought I would have 3 children of my own. Once the initial shock of being pregnant with triplets wore off, I was thrilled that I would accomplish this desire all at one time. Unfortunately, that wasn't to be for me or for them...

For months now, my brother and sister-in-law have gone back and forth about having another baby. She wants one, he does not. They have a beautiful and very spirited 3 1/2 year old girl and a wonderfully cute and funny 18 month old boy. I love these children emensly.

My brother is ready to move into the next phase of life. He is ready to put the sleepless nights of babyhood behind them and move into the active lifestyle that an almost 4 year old and an 18 month old invite you to enter. And, he believes they have been lucky so far and he does not want to push that luck.

She has a longing that she can't explain. Her rational brain knows that two is a good number for their family, but her emotions are tugging at her maternal instinct and as her little boy leaves babyhood, those strings are pulling tighter around her heart and the yearning for one more deepens.

They have both talked to me about it because it's something, as a couple, they struggle with. Especially my sister in law. And yet, I wish she wouldn't talk to me because it sparks a strong internal conflict in me. For completely selfish reasons, I do not want them to have another baby. I was supposed to be the one raising three children and I know that it will never happen for me. And as selfish as it is, I can't help it...the idea of them becoming a family of five is painful for me.

And so, as I sit and listen to my sister in law talk, as she questions outloud what she should do, a little voice inside my head says, "Just tell her, tell her you agree with your brother. Tell her you think two is a good number for their family".

But I never say it. Instead I offer the one thing I know will help her figure it out: an ear and an opinion that I keep silent.