One Big Giant Boo Hoo

I'm a person who charges through things, head on, to get to the other side. I don't wallow. But this is my blog and so today, I'm going to wallow...

My baby just turned 3 and I nursed her until she was almost 16 months. That means my body has had less than 2 years to re-adjust from years of infertility treatments, pregnancy or nursing back to it's normal hormonal state. It took a little while after Laura was weaned (because of the auto-immune issue I developed) but when she was just shy of 2 years, my period regulated itself again and was just as it had been prior to my family building journey. I have just had the rude awakening that the "ride" is over. My body is springing forward into peri-menopause.

Huh? At 41? Yup. And I don't like it.

My lovely sister (who is 2 1/2 years my senior) thinks I should be thrilled.Her theory? No more birth control (um, we have male factor infertility-we don't NEED birth control). No more menstrual cycles to worry about; which, in theory, sounds great. Except she hasn't experienced 2 a.m. night sweats, a full month of spotting-or perhaps the worst: the unexpected and unannounced menstrual "surprise" that caught me in white shorts, completely off my guard. What she's not thinking about is, well, uncontrollable night sweats, mood swings, weight gain and crankiness.

So okay, the mood swings and crankiness haven't happened yet and the weight gain is probable due to overeating and under moving but remember, this is my blog and my wallow...

Seriously, though? 41? Peri-Menopause? It seems unfair.

And then I think-maybe it's NOT menopause and maybe it's something else. Something I should see my GYN about. Some rare and weird side effect from years of infertility treatments (I am NOT a hypochondriac-really, I'm not). But I just don't want to see my GYN right now. It's summer, the kids are home, we are having fun. The GYN is not fun. Not to mention my favorite (female) GYN is no longer working and I don't really want to see a nurse practitioner, midwife or one of the male doctors. I want to see someone I trust completely and feel comfortable with because let's face it, menopause at 41 isn't something I want to share with just anyone (except the entire world wide web, via this blog).

I want some hand-holding. I want to be told I'm not going to get cranky or lose my sex drive or gain a ton of weight, just because I'm going through menopause.

What I really want is another 5-8 years of baby-making abilities, even though know I won't be having any more babies. 41 is early. I don't want to be early. I want to be in the norm.

So that's my big boo-hoo.